Saved
by BeautifulIsMe
Summary: Olivia Benson's niece who she hadn't seen in 6 years calls her early one morning. Olivia knows something is wrong. The two are reunited and Olivia slowly starts uncovering Hayleigh's secrets. Will she let Olivia help her or will she continue to hide behind her pain? **MAJOR TRIGGERS: ED, SH, Rape** Strong T rating.
1. Nobodys Home

**Disclaimer: We do not own Law &amp; Order: SVU or any of the characters we use. We only hold rights to the characters we create and the storyline. **

**TRIGGER WARNING: Graphic rape scene in italics. Mentions of self-harm and child abuse. A very strong T rated story. **

**Lyrics: Nobody's Home by Avril Lavigne**

**-SAVED-**

**Chapter 1: Nobody's Home**

**_"I couldn't tell you_**

**_Why she felt that way_**

**_She felt it everyday_**

**_And I couldn't help her_**

**_I just watched her make_**

**_The same mistakes again"_**

_Hayleigh sat in her bedroom, she wanted this nightmare to end. She wanted nothing more than to get the hell out of this house. She was stuck. No where to run, nowhere to stay. She heard a knock on her door. It was her Father. She became tense immediately when he came into her room._

_"Hey Hayleigh, you ready for me and you time? Your Mother has gone out." Hayleigh wanted out. She tried to make it to the door but her Father grabbed her by her arms and threw her on the bed. _

_"Did you really think you could get away from me?" He spread her legs and unzipped his pants. He got on top of her and held her by her wrists. As he thrust into her, Hayleigh could feel herself rip, she cried out in pain. Tears began to flow. She hurt, she hurt so bad. His sweat was dripping onto her. She didn't want this. "NO, please stop!" _

_Her father looked at her, "If you don't shut the hell up, I am going to make you." _

_"GET OFF OF ME!" Hayleigh cried out. _

_With one swift move her Father punched her in the face. She blacked out._

**_"What's wrong, what's wrong now_**

**_Too many, too many problems_**

**_Don't know where she belongs_**

**_Where she belongs"_**

When she woke up several hours later she couldn't move. She laid in her bed naked. She looked down and she was bleeding. She wanted to get up. She made herself get up out of the bed. With every move she winced in pain. She crept to the restroom quietly. Her father was passed out drunk. When she got in the bathroom she looked in the mirror. She had a black eye and bruises up and down her body. Dried blood that ran down to her ankles. She walked over to the shower and turned it on as hot as it would go. She carefully got in. The pain was unimaginable. The scalding hot water pounded against her frail body, touching every bruise and scar that was marked upon her. She fell to the bottom of the shower an began to cry. She reached out and grabbed her cell phone, and turned the knob to make a bath. Before she could think about what she was doing she dialed her Aunt who was in New York. With the time difference she hoped and prayed she was awake. She just needed someone to talk to but she also knew she needed to play it off like nothing was wrong. Her father threatened her more than once about what would happen if she ever told. She wanted to go live with her Aunt. She wanted out of this hell. She hoped that maybe she could work that into the conversation. She began to dial her number and took a deep breath.

**_"She wants to go home_**

**_But nobody's home_**

**_That's where she lies_**

**_Broken inside_**

**_With no place to go_**

**_No place to go_**

**_To dry her eyes_**

**_Broken inside"_**

Olivia was startled awake by the shrill ringing of her phone. She sat up straight in bed and grabbed the phone, staring at the caller ID while the sleep cleared from her eyes. When she sees it's her niece, she fears the worst. She takes a few deep, calming breathes before answering.

"Hayleigh? How are you sweetie?" Olivia asks.

"Hey Aunt Liv, did I wake you?" Hayleigh asks. She nearly face palms herself when she checks the time on her phone and realizes it's 4 AM in New York. "I'm sorry." She mumbles.

"Hayleigh, you never have to be sorry for calling me. You know that you can call me whenever you want." Olivia says.

Hayleigh wants to tell her. Inside she's screaming it, but in reality nothing is coming out. "How are you?" She asks.

"I'm doing alright. Sweetie, is something wrong?" Olivia asks. She knows Hayleigh has had a hard time adjusting since they moved to a different city and she had to switch schools.

"No, nothing is wrong. Why would you ask?" Hayleigh asks. 'I'm such a liar. All I do is lie now.' She thought.

"Well, sweetie you called me at 4 in the morning." Olivia said smiling.

"I miss you Auntie." Hayleigh said. Silent tears started flowing down her cheeks.

"I miss you too honey. Your invitation to come visit me is still open." Olivia said. She had this nagging feeling that something was wrong. Hayleigh had always been her daughter. She did everything but give birth to her. And she was devastated when her sister was granted custody of her when she was 10.

"I would love to come visit you Aunt Liv. This summer?" Hayleigh asks.

"Honey, you can come whenever you want. Are you sure nothing is wrong?" Olivia asked.

"No, I just missed you. Look, I have to go. I have a test in first period." Hayleigh said. She was so close to spilling all of her secrets but she knew she couldn't. Too much was at stake.

"Ok sweetie. I love you." Olivia said.

"I love you too." Hayleigh said. The second she hung up she burst into tears. She hated her life.

**_"Open your eyes_**

**_And look outside_**

**_Find the reason why_**

**_You've been rejected_**

**_And now you can't find_**

**_What you left behind"_**

Hayleigh crawled out of the shower. She wanted to call her Aunt back. Her heart told her to and it was the right thing to do. Before she could think it through, she texted her Aunt, "Can I come live with you PLEASE?"

Olivia looked down at her phone when it started to go off. Olivia now knew that something was really wrong. Deep down this was a sign of her niece crying out.

"Of course you can." Hayleigh's cell phone went off. She smiled.

"Can you come here and get me...It will be ugly if I ask myself.." Olivia's phone went off again.

"Absolutely baby, I will be on a flight tomorrow." Hayleigh was able to breathe again at least for a moment. Her Aunt was saving her.

**_"Be strong, be strong now_**

**_Too many, too many problems_**

**_Don't know where she belongs_**

**_Where she belongs"_**

The next day, Hayleigh woke up before her parents. She wanted out of the house. She couldn't wait to see her Aunt but she was not looking forward to the drama that would follow. She walked out the door and took off. She made her way to the school but she had no intentions of actually going. She hid over by the football field. She sat under a tree and made sure she went unnoticed. All of a sudden Hayleigh's cell phone starts buzzing she looks down and she sees she has a text message from her Aunt. "I took an early flight, I will be there in 2 hours."

**_"Her feelings she hides_**

**_Her dreams she can't find_**

**_She's losing her mind_**

**_She's falling behind"_**

Hayleigh looked off and started to stare into nothing. She couldn't believe this was happening. She started to panic and freak out thinking about the drama that was about to happen. She was terrified of the consequences. She reached down into her hoodie pocket and pulled out a razor. She rolled up her sleeve and slid it across her skin like it was nothing. She repeated it 2 more times. As the blood trickled down it was like she could breathe. She grabbed the rag out of her school bag. She kept her cutting supplies with everywhere she went. She held it against her cuts and put her head back. As time went on she pulled out the book Wintergirls. She began to read, anything to take her mind off whatever was going to happen and escape for at least a little while. She looked down at her phone checking the time when she heard the bell ring for lunch. 'My aunt should be here by now. It's only flying from New York to Ohio.' She thought. As soon as she finished thinking it her cell began to go off. "I'm here sweetie, I have a rental car. I am picking you up from school early."

'Shit!' Hayleigh thought. Her Aunt had never failed her. She was the only Mother she knew. She typed out a quick response, "I'll meet you in the parking lot." After the text sent she scooped up her bag and pulled the hood of her sweatshirt over her face, pulling her bangs down to hide her black eye and took off for the parking lot. While she waited for her Aunt to pull up, she became nervous. When a black Toyota Avalon pulled up, her heart almost stopped.

Olivia had the biggest smile on her face when she pulled the car to a stop in front of Hayleigh. "Hi sweetie. How are you?" She said tossing her purse into the backseat.

Hayleigh hung her head and slid into the passenger seat. "Hi Aunt Liv." She said looking at her phone in her lap.

"Honey, look at me." Olivia said.

Hayleigh shook her head.

"Hayleigh Rose Benson. Look at me now." Olivia said with a firmer tone.

Hayleigh slowly turned her face to look at her Aunt. Her heart was pounding. She prayed to God like she never did before that her Aunt wouldn't connect the dots.

"Who the hell did that?!" Olivia snapped. She gripped the steering wheel so tight her knuckles turned white.

"It's not a big deal. I got jumped by some girls for being the new girl." Hayleigh lied. She rolled her eyes at herself for telling yet another lie so easily.

"Is that a thing?" Olivia asked in disbelief.

"Unfortunately, yeah. Can we just go? I still have to pack." Hayleigh said placing her bag in her lap and hugging it to herself.

Olivia narrowed her eyes but decided she wouldn't ask Hayleigh anymore questions for now.

When they got to the house and Hayleigh's parents saw Olivia, all hell broke loose.

"What the fuck are you doing here?!" Hayleigh's Mom, Grace shouted.

"You and me need to talk little girl." Hayleigh's Dad, Don said. He grabbed her by the arm and dragged her down the hall to the master bedroom and slammed the door. "Pull your pants down right now. If you make a sound, I will snap your fucking neck before your Aunt can get in here." Don said lowly.

**_"She can't find her place_**

**_She's losing her faith_**

**_She's falling from grace_**

**_She's all over the place"_**

Hayleigh pulled down her pants and shook while she waited for the belt. She heard it whiz through the air before it made contact with her backside. She knew exactly how angry he was. It felt like the belt was breaking her tailbone. Once her Dad was done she pulled up her pants and stiffly walked back to the living room and stood by Olivia.

"Are you ok sweetie?" Olivia asked. The hair on the back of her neck was standing up. She needed to get her niece the hell out of there.

"I'm fine." Hayleigh said.

"So, Liv are you gonna tell us why you're here?" Grace asked as she took a swig of her drink. It was noon and the woman was already wasted.

"Well, Hayleigh asked me if she could come live with me and I said yes. I came to get her. I'm here to help her pack." Olivia said. She didn't see the point and beating around the bush.

"You little bitch! What fucking lies have you been telling her?!" Don shouted walking towards Hayleigh.

Olivia stood up and pushed Hayleigh behind her. "Sit the fuck down Don!" She said.

"You know what? Take the little ungrateful bitch." Grace slurred.

"You have 30 minutes to pack your shit and get the fuck out." Don said.

Olivia grabbed Hayleigh's hand and headed towards her room. While her back was turned Don grabbed Hayleigh's butt.

Hayleigh flinched and jumped when he touched her, causing her to squeeze her Aunt's hand harder.

Olivia definitely noticed. "Sweetie, are you ok?"

"Yeah I'm fine." Hayleigh said quietly as a tear trickled slowly down her face. "I have to stop by the restroom."

**_"She wants to go home_**

**_But nobody's home_**

**_That's where she lies_**

**_Broken inside"_**

Hayleigh felt the sudden urge to cut. She walked into the restroom and locked the door behind her. Her heart started racing. She couldn't take it anymore. She dug for the razor in her hoodie pocket. It brought her comfort to keep it within grabbing range. She rolled up her sleeve and began to slice. Tears poured harder with every cut. Meanwhile, in the bedroom Olivia wondered what was taking so long. She looked over to Hayleigh's bed and noticed blood spots and more than one. This concerned her. She turned around and knocked on the bathroom door.

"Sweetie are you ok?"

Hayleigh jumped when she heard Olivia's voice. "Yeah hang on a minute!" Hayleigh cried.

"Hayleigh what's going on? You sound like you're crying." Olivia said trying the door handle.

"I'm fine! I said hang on a minute." Hayleigh got up and did the worst cleaning job ever. She didn't care. One thing she forgot though is to wrap her cuts and she didn't see the blood that was seeping through her sweater. She walked out and went straight to her bedroom as Olivia followed and shut the door. Olivia looks Hayleigh over and notices the amount of blood on her sweater and she was not going to let that one go.

**_"I couldn't tell you_**

**_Why she felt that way_**

**_She felt it everyday_**

**_And I couldn't help her_**

**_I just watched her make_**

**_The same mistakes again"_**

Olivia grabbed Hayleigh's hand and squeezed gently. "I need you to pull up your sleeve." She said calmly.

Hayleigh tried to pull her arm out of her Aunt's grasp. "No! I don't have time for this shit! 30 minutes!"

"Hayleigh, let me see. Please." Olivia asked. Her chest ached when she gently pulled up Hayleigh's sleeve and her suspicions were confirmed. "Oh sweetheart." She gasped.

"Just, um, pretend you didn't see it?" Hayleigh asked. She really didn't feel like being backed into a corner.

"Baby, why?" Olivia asked.

"It was the only way..." Hayleigh said before she started crying. Her whole body was shaking with sobs.

Olivia pulled Hayleigh into her arms and just held her while she cried. "I'm here now. You're going to be ok. Shh." She said while she stroked Hayleigh's head.

Hayleigh was beating her self up while she cried in her Aunt's arms. 'Pull it together. You've been through worse shit than this!' She thought. She sucked up her tears and pulled away from Olivia. "I'm just gonna throw shit in my large duffel and suitcase." She said.

Olivia knew she was going to have to keep an eye on Hayleigh. She watched as Hayleigh packed all her clothes quickly. Within 10 minutes she was done.

"Can we go now please?" Hayleigh asked.

"Of course we can." Olivia said.

They both walked out of her room and out of the house to never look back. They put Hayleigh's bags in the backseat, got in the car and drove off. Hayleigh was silent and didn't want to speak.

Her Aunt decided to break the ice "We will be staying at a hotel tonight and then we fly out in the morning."

Hayleigh looked over "Okay." She tried to smile.

The hotel was only a few blocks away. Olivia got them checked in and they made their way to their room.

"I think I am going to go take a shower." Hayleigh said.

"Sweetie. please leave the door open." Olivia said.

'The hell?' Hayleigh thought. "You have got to be kidding me! WHY!" She shouted.

"Hayleigh, just...I'm not comfortable with you being alone right now." Olivia said.

"I'm 16! I think I can take a shower by myself!" Hayleigh snapped.

"Hayleigh Rose Benson. You will leave the door open or I will sit in the bathroom with you." Olivia said.

"THAT'S NOT FAIR!" Hayleigh shouted.

"Those are your choices." Olivia said. She folded her arms across her chest.

Hayleigh stomped over to her bag and grabbed a change of clothes, muttering under her breath.

"What was that?" Olivia asked.

"I said I guess I'll leave the damn door open!" Hayleigh said full of attitude.

Olivia stood up, towering over Hayleigh. "Watch your mouth."

**_"She can't find her place_**

**_She's losing her faith_**

**_She's falling from grace_**

**_She's all over the place_"**

Hayleigh rolled her eyes as she got into the shower. She turned it on scalding hot. Flashbacks of memories from the night before flooded her mind. She needed relief but with the damn door open she couldn't. She tried to level her breathing. She looks down at her legs and picks a scab wide open. As the blood ran down she could breathe. She let the scalding hot water pound against her skin. Olivia walked by the restroom to go to her duffle and grab a change of clothes. She walked into the bathroom and noticed how hot it was. The curtain was see through and saw the blood running down Hayleigh's leg.

Olivia yanked the curtain back and dropped her clothes when she saw cuts and scars all over her Niece's body. "What is that?" She asked.

Hayleigh just continued to stare at the blood trailing down her leg before it mixed with the water and went down the drain.

Olivia turned the water off and grabbed a towel. She wrapped the towel around Hayleigh and helped her out of the shower. "Honey, you don't need to cut yourself anymore. What's wrong? I knew there was something when you called me this morning." Olivia said kneeling down in front of Hayleigh.

"Nothing!" Hayleigh snapped. She held the towel to her body and walked into the room to get some of her supplies. It didn't even bother her that she was taking care of her cuts in front of her Aunt.

Olivia just stood there. She wasn't sure how to handle it but she wanted to get to the bottom of it.

Olivia followed Hayleigh. She was terrified to leave her alone at this point. "Sweetie, why won't you talk to me?"

Hayleigh began to cry. "Because there's nothing to talk about. Please stop asking."

**_"Her feelings she hides_**

**_Her dreams she can't find_**

**_She's losing her mind_**

**_She's falling behind"_**

Olivia's heart was breaking she used to know how to get her to talk but something has changed. She much more closed off than she used to be. She's turned into a frail hurting little girl. Her mind flashed back to the bathroom. Olivia could see all her bones. Something just wasn't right. Something happened to her. She starts to question the bruise on her eye. But she was to scared to push her. Hayleigh got dressed in her baggy clothes and crawled into bed. She laid her head down on the pillow. Olivia laid down next to her. They turned off the lights and both fell asleep. But within an hour Hayleigh began to have a nightmare. She started kicking and screaming. "Please get off me it hurts."

Olivia heard that. She knew she heard that. The words bounced around inside of her skull. She sat up and turned on the lights. "Hayleigh, wake up." She said softly.

Hayleigh sat up and screamed. "NO! STOP! STOP! STOP!"

"Sweetie, it's ok. It's just me. We're at the hotel." Olivia said. She grabbed Hayleigh's hand.

"Aunt Liv?" Hayleigh asked. She had to be sure the woman was really there.

"Yes baby. I'm here." Olivia said.

Hayleigh snatched her hand away from Olivia. "Whatever you heard, just forget it ok? Because I don't want to talk about it." She said before rolling over and pretending to fall back asleep.

"I can't do that Hayleigh." Olivia said. There was no way in hell she was going to let that one go.  
The next day, Hayleigh remained silent all the way to the airport. She said very little to her Aunt and it made her feel like shit. But she wasn't going to talk about this.  
Their flight number was called and they were boarding the plane. They got on board and found their seats. Hayleigh popped her headphones into her ears and stared out the window while the plane taxied and took off.  
"Hayleigh, I'm not going to give up on you." Olivia said.  
Hayleigh just sighed and turned the music up.

**_"She's lost inside_**

**_She's lost inside"_**


	2. Crashing

**-SAVED-**

**TRIGGER: Self-harm mentions. **

**Chapter 2: Crashing **

When the plane landed in New York, Hayleigh sighed in relief to just be in another state.

Olivia looked over at Hayleigh, "Ready to start your new life sweetie?"

Hayleigh looked over at her Aunt "Yeah sure." They both stood up as they began to de-board. When they got into the airport lobby Olivia asked Hayleigh if she wanted to get lunch. There was so many places to choose from.

"Um... yeah sure." She wasn't going to let her Aunt in on her other secret, the fact that she is anorexic. They walked over to Dash &amp; Go. The person at the door asked how many.

"2 please." Olivia answered.

"Right this way." She led Hayleigh and Olivia to a booth. "What can I get you ladies to drink?"

Hayleigh asked for a Diet Coke and Olivia wanted Sweet Tea with a lemon wedge.

"I will get those right out to you."

Olivia began to have small talk with her. "I will be enrolling you in school next Monday."

Hayleigh didn't want to go to a school she just wanted to disapper "Oh joy."

Olivia didn't know what to say to her. Before she could come out with something else the waitress came back with their drinks.

"Have you ladies decided on what you will be getting?"

"Yeah." Hayleigh answered, "Grilled chicken salad with light Italian dressing on the side."

"And for you ma'am?" The waitress asked Olivia.

"Um... I will just have a burger and fries."

'Good luck with as it attaches itself to your hips and thighs.' Hayleigh thought.

Olivia watched as Hayleigh's hands curled around the cup of Diet Coke.

"Just to let you know, I took off a whole month to help you adjust to New York life." Olivia said.

"Aunt Liv you didn't have to do that. I know how important your job is to you." Hayleigh said. 'Dammit! If she never goes to work all she's gonna do is be up my ass!' Hayleigh thought. She was starting to panic. She had an overwhelming urge to cut herself. "I'm gonna hit the ladies before our food comes out."

"Good idea, I'll come with you." Olivia said scooting back from the table to get up.

"No!" Hayleigh said. She was really losing her grip on self control. "I mean, who's gonna stay with our stuff?" She tried to cover her slip up.

"Fine, I'll go when you get back." Olivia said. She tried to shake it off and told herself that Hayleigh was probably just jet lagged.

The second Hayleigh was in the bathroom and locked behind a stall, she pulled up her sleeve, pulled out her trusty razor and added 5 more cuts. She sighed blissfully. All the panic went away. She pulled out a large band aid and gauze and tightly wrapped up the cuts. She didn't want any repeats of the day before. The cutting and the eating disorder were hers. And she wasn't going to let her Aunt take them away from her. She forced a smile on her face and headed back to their table.

"Are you ok?" Olivia asked.

"Yeah, why?" Hayleigh asked.

"Because you were gone for 10 minutes." Olivia said.

"Oh...well I decided to freshen up while I was in there." Hayleigh said. Lying didn't even bother her anymore. It was like every time she opened her mouth another lie rolled out.

Before Olivia could respond their food was brought out. Hayleigh immediately began cutting her chicken into tiny pieces.

Olivia took a bite of her burger and ate a couple of fries and moaned at the flavors of the greasy food. She looked up and frowned when she noticed Hayleigh picking at her food. "Do you want to order something else?" She asked.

"No, it's fine." To prove it, Hayleigh took a bite of the lettuce, tomato and a small piece of chicken and chewed. She forced herself to swallow it and took a sip of her Diet Coke.

"It's my turn to hit the ladies." Olivia said before leaving the table.

Hayleigh watched until her Aunt was out of sight and then she scraped half her plate into the cloth napkin in her lap.

When Olivia got back not even a few minutes later she looked down at Hayleigh's plate. She knew it was impossible for anyone to eat that fast. She started to become skeptical. Hayleigh was already very pale and thin. She looked to her napkin and saw it bulging. She didn't want to push Hayleigh over the edge. Not here at least. She sat down at the table to finish her meal.

"Sweetie are you going to have anymore?" Olivia asked.

Hayleigh looked up from her cell phone. "No, I'm good. I'm pretty full."

Olivia knew she was lying. 'Full? All you ate was one bite and 4 Diet Cokes!' She thought.

After they finished and she paid they both headed out to her car. They put their luggage in the trunk.

"Hey sweetie I have to run by my work real fast to pick up some files. and there are some people who are wanting to meet you." Olivia said.

Hayleigh smiled a little. At least she is wanted somewhere.

When Hayleigh walked into the SVU squad room, she started to draw into herself. She knew what her Aunt did for a living. What if her Aunt brought her there to trick her into talking about what happened?

"Hey Liv. We didn't expect you back." Fin said.

"I'm not back, I'm just here to grab some files. You remember Hayleigh right?" Olivia said walking over her desk and nodding at Hayleigh.

"Of course. You have really grown baby girl! You look more and more like your Aunt." Fin said.

"It's good to see you Fin." Hayleigh said shyly.

"I know your Aunt isn't gonna be around for a month but come visit ok? We'll grab a slice of New York's best." Fin asked.

"Yeah, cool." Hayleigh said.

"Don't tell me you forgot how good New York's pizza is?" Fin asked.

"Leave her alone Fin. She hasn't been here is 6 years." Olivia butt in.

"Is this the niece we hear non stop about?" Amanda asked walking into the squad room with carriers full of coffee.

Olivia put her arm around Hayleigh's shoulder. "Yep, this is her. And she's here to stay."

"She's like a mini you Liv. Are you sure she's not your kid?" Amanda asked.

That particular subject brought up painful memories for Hayleigh and Olivia. So, Olivia decided it was time to get them home. "Look, we have to get going. We have a lot to do before this week is over and she starts school next Monday."

"Alright, well see ya around." Amanda said.

"Yeah." Olivia said.

"Nice meeting you. Bye Fin." Hayleigh said.

They walked back out to the car. On the way to the house the song, Terrible Love came on. This brought back too many hard memories for Hayleigh. She blocked it out the best she could but she broke. "Can you please turn this fucking song off right now!" She snapped.

Olivia couldn't believe the language that just came out of her mouth, "Watch your tone and language, no more swearing!"

Hayleigh's face started to get redder, "What are you going hit me too?!" She shouted.

Olivia went into shock. She started piecing it together. "Honey, why would I ever hit you? You know I would never do that."

As they pulled into the driveway Hayleigh just wanted to get out of the car. She didn't even respond ,she bolted out down the street to a stop sign and lit a cigarette. She took a really long drag and let it out and she was able to calm down. When Olivia saw what she was doing, she was not okay with this. She headed down the street. She may have been allowed to smoke at her parents house cause they would buy them for her but she sure as hell wasn't going to do it here.

Olivia snatched the cigarette out of Hayleigh's hand and put it out. "What the hell do you think you are doing with these?"

"Smoking, duh." Hayleigh said. She pulled the pack out her pocket and was about to light up again when Olivia snatched that and the pack from her too.

"I have news for you young lady, You're not legal to smoke!" Olivia snapped.

"Shit! Get off my case!" Hayleigh said.

"That's it! You're grounded!" Olivia said.

"You can't ground me! You're not my Mother!" Hayleigh took a low blow.

Olivia firmly grabbed her upper arm. "Get in the house and go to your room Hayleigh Rose. I am not playing with you." Olivia said.

Hayleigh got up off the curb and screamed immensely, "What the fuck ever PEACE!" She stomped her way down the sidewalk. She was so over this shit. She wasn't used to someone who actually cared about her. When she got in the house, Olivia came in behind her. Just from the look of the bedroom she could tell it was hers. She slammed the door shut and locked it behind her. She walked over to the mirror and started to scream and cry and put her fist through the mirror.

Olivia heard it shatter from the hallway. She walked quickly down the hall and knocked on the door. "Hayleigh is everything ok?"

"Yes, I'm fine. I accidently dropped something and it shattered on the floor its good now I'm cleaning it up."

Olivia looked down, she regrets saying what she did. All it did was make Hayleigh despise her. She knew all Hayleigh needed was someone to be there for her after all she had gone through. Olivia walked back into the living room, not sure what to do. She sat down on the couch. She put her face down in her palms and began to cry.

When Hayleigh heard this, it broke her. She hurt the person who meant the most to her in her life. The one personally who actually cared about her. She made her way into the living room. She walked over to her Aunt.

"Aunt Olivia, I'm sorry I was way out of line. The things I said I shouldn't have. Im sorry. You're the one person who ever actually care about me. At home no one cared. Either my Father was beating me and raping me or my Mom was always drunk and never home." Before Hayleigh could take back what she said she knew it was out in the open. She didn't want it to be but now it was. She fell to the floor and started to cry uncontrollably.

Olivia's heart broke. This is what she has been hiding. This is where she got the black eye. Olivia got on the floor and pulled Hayleigh into her arms. She didn't let go. She just let Hayleigh cry it all out. They both got off the floor and Hayleigh laid down with her head in her lap. She began to fall asleep as Olivia stroked her hair. Olivia and Hayleigh both fell asleep. Hayleigh felt at peace. She was at least for the night. All her secrets laid bare except for the anorexia, that was hers and no one could take it.


	3. Missing Me

**Lyrics: Missing by Evanescence**

**-SAVED-**

**Chapter 3: Missing **

_**"Please, please forgive me**_

_**But I won't be home again**_

_**Maybe someday you'll look up**_

_**And, barely conscious you'll say to no one**_

_**Isn't something missing?"**_

The next day Olivia and Hayleigh couldn't believe how long they slept. They both woke up at the same time.

Hayleigh sat up and went to her room. She couldn't believe what she let out the day before. She felt embarrassed and ashamed. She wanted these feelings gone. She decided she was going to go for a 5 mile run and lie to her Aunt that she ate while she was out. She put on her jogging gear and came out of the room. "Aunt Liv I'm going for a run I will be back in a few I promise."

Olivia wasn't sure about letting her go out by herself but after last night she knew she needed to give her space. "Okay sweetie just be safe."

Hayleigh walked outside and turned on her IPOD. She blared Evanescence-Missing. She started running harder than she ever had. Tears were streaming down her face. A block away she ran into Amanda. She wasn't watching where she was going and they collided. They both fell over.

"Hayleigh I'm so sorry." Amanda said trying to catch her breathe.

Hayleigh looked at Amanda, "Well maybe next time watch where you're going dumbass."

Amanda couldn't believe what just came out of her mouth.

Hayleigh was still in tears.

**_"You won't cry for my absence I know"_**

"Where I'm from kids get popped for disrespecting adults." Amanda said.

Hayleigh stood up, brushed herself off and wiped her tears. "Look, I don't need a lecture right now. Ok?"

Amanda took a deep breathe. She could see this girl was truly troubled. "Are you ok?"

"I'm fine. I'll see you around." Hayleigh said. She popped her headphones back in her ears and started running.

Amanda watched Hayleigh run down the street before sending Olivia a text. "Just ran into your mini me. She was crying."

"Where is she?" Olivia sent back. She was already getting in her car.

"We literally ran into each other a block away from your house. She took off down the street. I lost sight of her. Damn, she's fast!" Amanda replied.

_**"**__**I breathe deep and cry out**_

_**Isn't something missing**_

_**Isn't someone missing me?"**_

Olivia slapped the steering wheel in frustration, "Dammit!" Then she broke down. Knowing there was nothing she could do, she went back inside the house and sat on the couch. She wasn't going to move a muscle until Hayleigh was back in the house with her.

Hayleigh couldn't stop running. She just kept going. A wave of dizziness went over her. She ended up in Central Park. She fell over by the fountain. She saw Fin walking through. "What the fuck do these people have a radar tracker on me?!" She turned away from where he was walking and put her head down so he didn't see her. She really wanted to go unnoticed at this point. Her cell phone went off "Where are you?". She quickly typed "I'm heading back." She knew she had been gone for awhile. When she lifted her head up Fin was passing her. 'Welp at least I went unnoticed' She thought. She got up even though she was extremely dizzy. She could barely make it but she kept pushing herself. But by the time she got out of the park, she blacked out. She laid in the side walk barely breathing, barely a heart beat.

Hayleigh would have died right where she fell if it hadn't of been for a kind stranger walking by.

"HELP! SOMEONE CALL 911!" The lady said kneeling down next to Hayleigh and feeling for a pulse.

The EMT'S arrived quickly and started asking questions.

"I don't know. She just dropped right in front of me. I thought she was dead." The lady said.

One of the EMT'S dug around in Hayleigh's pocket and pulled out her cellphone wallet. "It says her name is Hayleigh Rose Benson and her emergency contact is an Olivia Benson."

"Let's go ahead and take her in." The other EMT said, starting up the truck.

When they burst through the Emergency Room doors, doctors and nurses swarmed to them.

"What do we have?" Dr. Ross asked.

"16, female, collapsed right outside Central Park's gate." The EMT said.

The other EMT handed Hayleigh's cellphone wallet to a nurse.

Olivia kept looking at her phone every 5 minutes. "Dammit Hayleigh! You are so grounded the second you walk through the door!" She said aloud. Not even a minute later, her phone was ringing. "Hello? Hayleigh?" She asked hopefully.

"Is this Ms. Olivia Benson?" The nurse asked.

"Yes, who's calling?" Olivia had that nagging feeling again. Something was terribly wrong.

"My name is Lucy. I'm a nurse a LaGuardia. We have your daughter here. She collapsed in front of Central Park."

Olivia didn't bother to correct her. "I'll be right there." She picked up her keys and slung her purse over her shoulder. Even though she wasn't supposed to she pulled the cop card and sped through every red light all the way to the hospital.

_**"And if I bleed, I'll bleed**_

_**Knowing you don't care**_

_**And if I sleep just to dream of you**_

_**I'll wake without you there**_

_**Isn't something missing?**_

_**Isn't someone missing me?"**_

When Olivia got to the hospital she frantically came through the doors and up to the desk. "My name's Olivia Benson, my daughter she was brought in by ambulance."

The nurse responded right away "Right this way ma'am."

She walked Olivia over where they were working on her niece. Her heart stopped and they had to grab the paddles.

"Clear!" The doctor said. "We have nothing, come on Hayleigh stay with me."

"Clear!" They waited less than a minute "We have rhythm, lets get her intubated."

Olivia was in shock. Her heart was breaking. What could have made her niece nearly die? She thought she was healthy.

Dr. Ross walked over to Olivia to introduce himself. "Ms. Benson?"

"Yes, how is she?" Olivia asked trying to look over the man's shoulder to see Hayleigh.

"She almost died Ms. Benson. She has cuts and scars all over her body. We need to run some more tests but I'm fully prepared to say she has an eating disorder." Dr. Ross said.

"I knew about the cutting. But, I was suspicious about the eating disorder yesterday when we grabbed some lunch." Olivia said. She was already beating herself up. Blaming herself.

"I will put in for her to have a chat with the hospital's psychologist." Dr. Ross said.

"Thank you." Olivia said. Suddenly she wished she had fought harder for custody of Hayleigh. None of this would have ever happened if she hadn't started letting Grace into her life little by little. "Can I see her?" She asked.

"Of course. We are going to keep her for a couple of days and we're heading to her room now." Dr. Ross said.

Olivia walked into the room. They still had her intubated. She broke the minute she saw her.

Dr. Ross knew it was time for him to leave, "I will give you some privacy."

_**"Even though I'm the sacrifice **_

_**You won't try for me, not now**_

_**Though I'd die to know you love me**_

_**I'm all alone"**_

Olivia walked over to Hayleigh's bedside. "Sweetie, I'm here" She started to cry. "I blame myself, and I'm scared, I can't loose you, please don't leave me. I couldn't handle it if you died." Olivia was becoming more emotional. "Please Hayleigh, wake up." She didn't let go of her hand. She listened to the heart monitor, slowly beating. She put her head down on the bed and prayed she would wake up. Several hours later she felt her hand being squeezed. "Honey" She started to cry, She got up and put her hand on her niece. "I'm here sweetie its okay, I promise I'm not going anywhere."

Hayleigh was tired. All she could do was nod.

"Sweetie get some rest, they said they will take out the intubation in the morning, just relax." Olivia said.

Hayleigh nodded and fell back asleep. The doctor's want to make sure she was breathing and stable before they unhooked her. Her heart rate was so weak that there was no way she could continue breathing on her own. The next morning Dr. Ross came in.

"Ms. Benson?" Dr. Ross addressed Olivia.

"Yes?" Olivia said turning to give the Doctor and his guest her full attention.

"This is Chantelle Wyatt. She's our head psychologist." Dr. Ross said gesturing toward the other woman in the room.

Dr. Wyatt reached for Olivia's hand and shook it. "Hello Ms. Benson. I just wanted to go over a few things with you. Based on her test results, her nutritional levels are severely depleted. And I can't diagnose her until I talk to her but she is definitely severely eating disordered." Dr. Wyatt said.

"What do we do now?" Olivia asked. She would do anything for Hayleigh.

_**"You forgot me long ago**_

_**Am I that unimportant?**_

_**Am I so insignificant?"**_

"Well first we need to take the tube out and see how well she does breathing on her own. We also need to closely monitor her heart rate." Dr. Ross explained.

Dr. Wyatt left for a minute and got nurses to get the tube out.

"Sweetie the nurses and doctor are here to remove the tube, Hayleigh they are going to lightly sedate you." Olivia said.

The nurse came over to Hayleigh's IV line and injected the light sedative into it.

Hayleigh began to quickly relax.

"Ok Hayleigh we are pulling the tube out now." As they began to slowly pull it out Hayleigh choked and coughed. When they got it all the way out the nurse brought Hayleigh a cup of ice water, she sipped on it. Her throat was sore and she still couldn't really talk.

The psychologist pulled Olivia into the hallway.

"Ms. Benson I am going to be very honest with you, your daughter is very sick. She is going to need extensive therapy. She is going to need a dietician and needs to be put on weight gain in order for her body to function properly. She also needs to be seen by a medical doctor once week and have labs done. Hayleigh has a long road ahead of her."

Olivia leaned up against the wall as she tried to ingest all of the information. "Will she be able to do this outpatient?"

"The only way that is possible is she is going to have to have a constant eye on her. Not be left alone. Other than that she needs to be sent to a residential treatment center."

"I can handle this" Olivia spoke up. She wasn't sure how or if she would get through this but she has to. She also knows she has the support of her coworkers.

Everything will be ok, or so she hoped.


	4. A New Version Of Sick

**A/N: Dear Macy, The back story on why Olivia had custody of Hayleigh for her first 10 years will be written out in this chapter.**

** Chapter 4: A New Version of Sick**

Hayleigh woke up the next morning and saw Olivia sleeping in the chair beside her. She almost forgot why she was in the hospital when the memories from yesterday flooded her mind. 'Fuck!' She thought. Before she passed out thanks to the sedative she was given, she had over heard her Aunt and some Doctors, talking about how she needed treatment. She knew what that meant! They were going to fatten her up! They were going to take her eating disorder away from her. She wasn't going to give it up without a fight. First things first. She needed to get out of here.

"Aunt Liv?" Hayleigh asked quietly.

Olivia sat up and stretched. "Yeah, baby?" She asked sleepily.

"Can we go home?" Hayleigh asked.

"No, sweetie. You have to gain some weight first." Olivia said pressing the nurse button.

"I don't need to gain weight!" Hayleigh snapped.

Olivia was about to argue when a nurse walked in with a tray.

"Here's a coffee Ms. Benson and your daughter's breakfast." Hayleigh's nurse, Claire, said.

"She's not my Mom!" Hayleigh said. It was so much easier for her to be angry with Olivia than to focus on her real problems.

"Could I talk to you in the hallway?" Olivia stood up and lead Claire into the hall.

"Hayleigh isn't my daughter. She's my niece." Olivia said.

"But you're her emergency contact." Claire said.

"I guess I should start at the beginning of the story then." Olivia said. She sat down and gestured to the chair beside her.

Claire sat down and gave Olivia her undivided attention.

Olivia sighed and began. "Sixteen years ago, my sister and I got pregnant at the same time..."

_"Grace, I have something to tell you." Olivia said over lunch with her sister. _

_"I have something to tell you too Livvy." Grace said. _

_"Ok, why don't you go first?" Olivia said. _

_"I know how much you hate Don, but we're getting married." Grace said._

_"You're what?!" Olivia shouted. _

_"Livvy, I'm pregnant." Grace said. _

_"So that means that you have to marry him?" Olivia said. _

_"Livvy, don't be like that. You know how hard it was on Mom to raise us without a man." Grace said. _

_"Grace! Hello! We didn't have a Dad because your Father was a drugged out creep and my Father was a rapist." Olivia said through her teeth. _

_"I know, I know but I want my baby to have a Father. I want my baby to have a real family." Grace said. _

_"I know." Olivia said with a sigh. _

_"So, what's your big news?" Grace asked. _

_"Well...I am also pregnant!" Olivia said with a huge grin!_

_"Shut up!" Grace said excitedly. "Who's the Father?" _

_"It's Brian Cassidy." Olivia said with a blush._

_"Your partner?! Isn't he married?! Geez Livvy!" Grace squealed. _

_"No! Not Elliot! Brian is another guy who used to work in SVU." Olivia said. _

_"Used to?" Grace asked. _

_"Yeah, he just quit." Olivia said. _

_"Wait, he doesn't know?" Grace asked. _

_"No. I didn't have a chance to tell him." Olivia said. _

_Grace reached across the table and squeezed Olivia's hand. "I'm sorry Livvy." _

_8 months later..._

_Olivia and Grace went into labor on the same day and threw a fit until they were put into the same room, only separated by a curtain. Olivia was messed up on the highest level of painkillers. So, she really wasn't very alert. _

_"Push Olivia." The Dr. said. _

_And on the other side of the curtain, seconds later Grace was told to push. _

_Two infants crying filled the room. _

_"It's a girl!" The Doctors announced. _

_They placed Olivia's daughter in her arms and the baby instantly quieted. Her eye's fluttered open and she locked eye's with her Mother for the first time. That was it for Olivia, she was in love with her baby girl. Something wasn't right. In her clouded mind, she noticed her baby turning blue._

_"Doctor! My baby! She's turning blue!" Olivia screamed. _

_Immediately the baby was taken out of her arms. And the next morning they dropped the bomb that would rock Olivia's world forever._

_"We're sorry Olivia, your baby is gone."_

"So after I lost my baby, Grace got arrested right after she gave birth to Hayleigh. It was drug charges. And she asked me to take care of Hayleigh. A year later I had custody until she was 10, when Grace started asking for visitation and then she wound up getting her right's reinstated." Olivia said drying her tears.

"I'm so sorry Ms. Benson. If it's any consolation, Hayleigh looks just like you." Claire said.

"Thank you. Raising her did help with the pain of losing my daughter." Olivia said.

"We should get back in there and try to get her to eat breakfast." Claire said.

"This should be fun." Olivia said.

They walked into the room and sat the tray in front of Hayleigh.

Hayleigh looked up at them, "The fuck you want me to do with this? Eat it? Y'all must me fucking trippin."

Olivia spoke up, "Hayleigh Rose Benson watch your tongue!"

Hayleigh snapped back, "You watch yours."

Olivia was not having her 16 year old niece give her lip like that. This was not going to fly. "Well I guess it's just going to sit there and so am I right infront of you, I have all the time in the world baby." Olivia said.

The nurse spoke up "I think Ima just be over here."

Olivia sat down right in front of Hayleigh. "Like I said, I have all the time in the world."

Hayleigh was not giving up this fight. "You want some? I don't think you have eaten today we wouldn't want you to get malnourished. You know health matters!"

Olivia couldn't believe the stuff that was coming out of her mouth. "Well you want to play this game? Speak for yourself, you're the one laying in a hospital bed."

Hayleigh shot right back "Well, also, speak for yourself. You're sitting on it too so I guess that makes us both sick, so eat up YUM YUM!"

"That is enough! Hayleigh Rose Benson, you are going to stop being a smart ass and we aren't moving on until you eat your breakfast." Olivia snapped.

Hayleigh rolled her eyes and mimicked Olivia under her breathe. "Whatever."

"Hayleigh!" Olivia said in a warning tone.

"What?" Hayleigh snapped.

"Eat or else..." Olivia said.

"Or else what?" Hayleigh said. She loved challenging her Aunt. They were so much alike and she knew all the buttons she could push.

"Have you heard of a feeding tube Hayleigh?" Olivia asked. She was tired of going back and forth with her.

"I don't need a feeding tube! I've watched enough movies on eating disorders to know what they are and why they're used!" Hayleigh said.

"Hayleigh, if you don't start eating very soon, you will need the tube honey." Olivia said.

"I do eat. Today is a fasting day." Hayleigh said softly. She wasn't going to let them break her from her rituals.

"Yeah, see that doesn't work. And since you wont eat I am going to go sign a paper and they will tube you. You're a minor, how's that one? You don't have a say." Olivia said.

Hayleigh kept thinking 'Yeah right she wont do that to me'.

"Claire" Olivia looked at the nurse in the corner of the room. "I will go get the papers and I will let the doctor know she does need to be tube fed and I'm sure the doctor will agree. She's severely underweight and malnourished."

Hayleigh's mouth dropped open. She couldn't believe her aunt was doing this. She picked up her tray and chucked it at the wall "FUCK YOU!"

Olivia wasn't going to let that get to her, she knew Hayleigh was in a bad place.

"Could you give us a minute alone Claire?" Olivia asked.

"Sure, I'm gonna go find Dr. Wyatt." Claire said high tailing it out of the room.

Once Claire left and the door was closed, Olivia stared at Hayleigh. In her mind she was figuring how she was going to get her talk about this.  
"Baby girl, I can't imagine what you went through when your Mom and Dad took you away from me..." She said.

"SHUT UP!" Hayleigh shouted.

"I will always remember that day. You were screaming for me, crying and begging that I don't let them take you..."

"I SAID SHUT UP!" Hayleigh shouted.

Olivia kept going."I wanted to keep you. I hope you know that..."

"SHUT THE HELL UP!" Hayleigh screeched.

"Is that when your Daddy started touching you?" Olivia asked. "You need to tell me honey."

"NO! WE ARE NOT TALKING ABOUT THIS GOD DAMMIT!" Hayleigh shouted.

As soon as that was said the Doctor walked in and the nurse followed with the papers.

"Get the hell away from me all of you." Hayleigh said moving as far up the bed as she could.

"Olivia we are going to need your help to keep her still." Claire said.

"Aunt Liv, please don't sign those! Please! You can't let them do this to me!" Hayleigh started to cry.

"I'm sorry baby but we only have a week before you're put on outpatient and you haven't been cooperating." Olivia said.

"I will! I'll eat right now! See!" Hayleigh grabbed her fork and scooped up a bite of the, now cold, oatmeal and put it in her mouth. She shed a tear as she swallowed it but she knew she had to make herself. She could only imagine all the calories in the bag attached to the feeding tube and she wanted no part of it.

Hayleigh threw it right back up, right there. It was not tasting to well nor settling well.

"We need to get her cleaned up before we do the tube." Dr. Wyatt said.

Olivia tried to help Hayleigh clean up but she wouldn't let her touch her.

"No! Get away from me, I will do it myself." Hayleigh cleaned her own self off. "And when it comes to the tube you can take it and shove it, or maybe you need it? You're lookin a little malnourished over there."

Olivia was done. "HAYLEIGH ROSE BENSON ENOUGH NOW!"

Hayleigh knew with the way Olivia said her name , she needed to stop or she wouldn't see the light of day again when she did eventually go home.

Dr. Wyatt walked over to Hayleigh, "Alright we are going to need you to lay back."

"I don't need the tube! I'll eat every disgusting, shitty meal you put in front of me! Please don't! If you do, I'll just rip it out. I swear I will!" Hayleigh began to freak out. Tears were streaming down her face.

"Maybe, we should give her another chance." Dr. Wyatt looked over at Olivia.

"Alright Hayleigh. You get one day to prove to me that you will cooperate. If not I will order the tube and that's it." Olivia said.

"Thank you Aunt Liv!" Hayleigh jumped off the bed and threw her arms around her Aunt.

Olivia accepted the hug and kissed Hayleigh's head. "I love you so much baby girl."

"I love you too." Hayleigh said. She was already planning on playing along until she got out of there. She would be a good girl until she went home.


	5. In Over My Head

**Chapter 5: In Over My Head**

Later that day Hayleigh just wanted to get the fuck out of this Hospital. By mid morning they brought her an ensure which tasted like shit and loaded with more calories than she cared for. Hayleigh and Olivia heard a knock on the door.

"Hayleigh, I'm here to do a weigh in and then you have lunch, an appointment with the therapist and then the dietician." Claire said.

"Oh this should be fun!" Hayleigh said. She was ready to bolt the first chance she got.

Claire brought over a wheelchair because Hayleigh was put on restriction from walking or any activity that exerts any calories. She sat up and got in the wheelchair and bit her tongue before she said anything she would regret later. She was taken over to the scale in the hallway by the nurses station. She stepped up out of the wheel chair.

"Ok step on backwards." Claire said.

Hayleigh wasn't stepping on a scale backwards. "You got to be fucking joking me, I'm not stepping on it backwards! You can go fuck yourself before that ever happens. Besides with your attitude and the way you been actin since I have been admitted to this piggy farm to get fat, you could use a good fuckin and loosen up and quit acting like a bitch!"

Claire had enough of Hayleigh. She was so done with her and her teenage cocky mouth. "Dr. Ross you deal with her, I'm done dealing with snotty bitch teenagers all day, in fact I quit!" She said stalking off down the hall.

Hayleigh couldn't help but snicker. She was proud that she could drive someone over the edge like that. "Bye BITCH, Make sure you get a good fuckin tonight even if you have to higher a male hooker!"

Claire turned around and let the words fly out of her mouth, since she quit "No you go fuck yourself bitch!"

If Hayleigh had the energy she would of ran down the hallway and punched her.

Dr. Ross came over to where Hayleigh was, "Look I'm not one that is going to put up with your mouth, so get on the scale now." He said.

"Fine whatever old man!" Hayleigh stepped on backwards and got off when he was done. "Bye old man I'm walking back to my room, you will be ok if I don't sit in the damn wheelchair just to please you assholes!"

As Hayleigh walked down the hallway she stuck her hand up in the air and threw him the finger.

Olivia was standing in the hallway watching her beloved niece mouth off to the staff and she was speechless. She had no idea what do say. And if they were at home, no matter the girl was 16, she would find herself over Olivia's knee receiving the spanking of her life. She just stood frozen, watching it all unfold and when Hayleigh pranced back into her room all she could do was follow and quietly close the door.

"What the hell was that?" Olivia asked quietly. So quietly it was scary.

"That was me being myself. If you don't like it you can go fuck yourself." Hayleigh snapped.

"Enough! I've had it with your mouth today young lady! You have been rude and unpleasant. All these people are trying to do is help you. A nurse just quit her damn job! Hayleigh Rose Benson, I expect you to apologize. And I'm not fucking with you!" Olivia said. She didn't even raise her voice. When it came to Hayleigh she rarely had to. She always knew how to handle the girl. But lately it was like they were strangers to each other and she didn't know where she lost the connection.

"Why should I apologize?" Hayleigh asked. "I'm not the one holding people hostage."

"They are not holding you hostage Hayleigh! They are trying to help you!" Olivia said.

"God! Fine! I'll apologize if it gets you to shut up!" Hayleigh snapped.

Olivia squeezed her palms to restrain herself from popping Hayleigh one.

"This is how it's going to go Hayleigh Rose. You are going to eat your lunch without so much as a rude word. If not, I will order the tube and that will be the end of discussion." Olivia said.

Hayleigh just nodded. She knew she had taken it too far. Especially when Olivia kept saying her full name. "Ok." She said and looked away. She knew she was making everyone around her miserable, but she didn't know how else to deal with all the anger and all the other emotions she was feeling.

They had to get another Nurse on staff to bring Hayleigh her lunch. Hayleigh kept thinking to herself 'I'm not going to eat this shit, they can all fuck off. I'm not their prize pink piggy to win at the state fair.'

The Nurse sat the tray down in front of Hayleigh. After the Nurse walked out, she grabbed the tray, got up out of bed and threw the nasty shit they call food in the trash.

Olivia finally snapped she thought she had made herself clear. Her niece needed to eat. She needed the calories and needed to gain weight. "That's it Hayleigh, I'm not arguing with you to eat anymore you have ran out of chances." Olivia clicked the nurses button.

"Yes Ms. Benson?"

Olivia answered, "I need the papers to sign to order the feeding tube."

"Aunt Liv you got to be joking?!" Hayleigh cried.

Olivia looked over at Hayleigh, "Do I look like I'm kidding!"

"Aunt Liv please! I'm sorry!" Hayleigh was crying. She knew she over did it. And she had gotten herself way in over her head.

"I don't want to hear it Hayleigh. I told you how lunch was supposed to go. You didn't listen." Olivia said.

Hayleigh just sat there with her mouth hanging open. She didn't bother begging she knew Olivia wouldn't budge. She was fucked.

Hayleigh's new Nurse, Emily walked in and handed Olivia some papers.

Olivia signed them and gave them back to Emily.

Five minutes later, Dr. Ross and Dr. Wyatt walked in followed by Emily and two more Nurses.

"If any of you touch me, I'll scream bloody murder." Hayleigh threatened squeezing herself between the bed and the wall.

"Ok, so how do you want to do this?" Olivia asked the Doctors, ignoring Hayleigh.

"First we need to get her back onto the bed and then we will need you to help us hold her down." Dr. Ross said.

Olivia and one of the nurses pulled the bed away from the hall and the other two nurses stood in front of the door so Hayleigh couldn't leave the room.

"Get on the bed Hayleigh." Olivia said.

"No!" Hayleigh screamed.

"They can make you." Olivia said. "Do you feel like having a shot in your ass cheek?" She asked.

Hayleigh gulped and climbed on the bed without a word.

Dr. Ross walked over to Hayleigh. "We're going to sedate you now." He said.

Hayleigh didn't say anything. Hot tears of anger just flowed down her cheeks.

"When you wake up, we'll have our first session." Dr. Wyatt said.

Hayleigh still said nothing. She just shut her eyes.

Once the sedative kicked in, Dr. Ross got to work. After 10 minutes the tube was in and connected to the nutrients Hayleigh would need.

Olivia was left alone, holding Hayleigh's hand.


	6. Familar Faces

The next morning Hayleigh's eyes where fluttering open. She wanted nothing more than rip the feeding tube out but she remembered just how bad it hurt to go down. She wanted to get out of this place. She wanted to leave. "Aunt Liv" Hayleigh choked out. "I want to go home, please. I'm worthless and an embarrassment, I don't want to be seen with this tube in me. Please." Liv felt bad for her niece but she knew she was too sick to go home. She didn't want to lose her. She needed to be here hooked up to fluids and fed with nutrients through her NG tube that she now needed more than ever. Just when Liv was about to answer there was a knock on the door. Liv and Hayleigh looked up. Hayleigh went into shock it was Kendra. "What are you doing here, you can't see me like this, I'm and embarrassment and so worthless." Kendra walked up to her bedside and first introduced herself to Olivia. "Hi you must be her aunt. My name Is Kendra, I am her therapist from Ohio, I just moved here and they put me on staff here. I will be taking over Hayleigh's care as her therapist." Hayleigh was in surprise. "How, why?!"

Hayleigh spoke up "Hold up better yet how did you even know I was here and I moved away. I didn't tell anyone. How did you even know I was in this Hospital...?" Kendra could see Hayleigh was becoming overwhelmed and needed to calm her down before she went into a full blown anxiety attack.

"Hey, Hayleigh you're getting overwhelmed and you're about to have an anxiety attack. I need you to look at me and take five deep breathes." Kendra said pulling Hayleigh's hands into her own.  
Hayleigh began to take the five deep breathes Kendra instructed her to take.

"Good...better?" Kendra asked.  
Hayleigh nodded her head.  
"You want to tell me what ran through your mind just now?" Kendra asked.  
"I didn't tell anyone that I was coming here and then you show up! And if you can find me..." Hayleigh trails off and looks over at Olivia.  
"I didn't stalk you or track you down or anything like that. I got a better paying job here at the hospital I have also the chance to open up a private practice here which is what I have always wanted. It's all a coincidence. I promise" Kendra said.  
"Ok...but I'm sort of uncomfortable having you as my Therapist..." Hayleigh said.  
"Why?" Kendra asked.  
"Because I'm not the same girl from Ohio." Hayleigh said.  
"Hayleigh when I was seeing you in Ohio you barely even talked to me." Kendra pointed out.  
Olivia just sat and let them talk.  
"Exactly! What makes you think I am going to talk now?" Hayleigh snaps.

"Hayleigh I know you will not talk to me right away, but I am hoping you will give me a chance. I still very much care about you and hope you would know by now you're not just another patient to me." Hayleigh looked down she didn't have anything to say. She couldn't stand Kendra looking at the sight of her. The fact that she failed her by losing so much weight she landed herself in the hospital with an NG tube because she just couldn't bring herself to eat anymore. Food terrified her. "Kendra I don't mean to sound rude, can you just please go. I can't stand you looking at me like this. I'm weak and pathetic." Kendra's heart broke. "Honey I am not going anywhere and we will fight to get through this together I am promise you." Hayleigh still couldn't look at here. "We have 40 minutes left in our session this morning. I can't just sit here until you ready to talk. No matter what you do or how are hard you try to push me away I am not leaving. I'm not like the other therapist or nurses you ran off." Hayleigh sat there in silence.

"Hayleigh honey, why don't we talk about what drove it to this point." Hayleigh looked over to her aunt. "Can you please step out? It's nothing against you I just don't want you to hear this...please..." Olivia wanted to respect her wishes. Deep down Hayleigh really wasn't going to tell her, she was ready to flip. What part of 'What makes you think I am going to talk now about this did she not understand?' It was like she had to speak dumbass to get on her level.

She just didn't want her aunt to hear her mouth and getting ready to pop off.

"I'm going to go down to the cafeteria. Call me when you're ready for me to come back." Olivia said. She kissed Hayleigh on the head and left the room.  
The minute she was gone, Hayleigh turned towards Kendra and glared at her. "ARE YOU STUPID?! ARE YOU HIGH?! I TOLD YOU I DIDN'T WANNA TALK AND WHAT DO YOU DO? YOU JUST KEEP PUSHING ME AND PUSHING ME! I DON'T WANT TO TALK OK?! I ASKED YOU TO LEAVE AND YOU KEPT GOING! DO I HAVE TO SPEAK RETARD FOR YOU TO UNDERSTAND ME?! JUST GET OUT!"

"I'm sorry I upset you Hayleigh. I'll leave you my personal number and when you're ready to talk, you give me a call." Kendra said. Hayleigh screamed and threw her pitcher of water across the room. Then she burst into tears. "I HATE MY LIFE!" Right in front in Kendra.

Kendra turned around for a split second to say one last thing. "Please don't ever be ashamed that this is going on. That you have a NG tube. It's only temporary and it's not forever. Talk to you later Hayleigh."

Kendra left and passed Olivia in the hallway. She gave her a smile. Kendra's heart fluttered when she walked past her. 'This was a new feeling' she thought.

"Olivia can I talk to you for a moment and possibly over dinner, I need to talk to you about Hayleigh's care."

Olivia contemplated for a moment. 'Is this woman trying to ask me out on a date, well she is kind of hot….But I am not sure I can do this to Hayleigh.'

"Yea that would be good, just to discuss stuff about Hayleigh."

Olivia had to get back to Hayleigh. "I will see you around 6?" Kendra looked back to her. "Yea, that sounds good, see you then."

At 6 Kendra and Olivia met in the cafeteria. Once they ordered their food they sat at a table that was as far away from other people as possible.  
"So, you mentioned working with Hayleigh in Ohio?" Olivia asked curiously.  
"Yes, she was referred to me through her guidance counselor. The teachers and other staff had picked up on her withdrawn behavior and the fact she didn't seem to have any friends." Kendra said.  
"Did she talk to you?" Olivia asked.  
"The first few times she came, she didn't say anything. On our fourth session she literally told me she didn't want to be there and it was really stupid. But after that she stopped coming." Kendra said.

Olivia nodded. "She called me and asked me if she could come live with me. I could hear it in her voice, something was wrong. Then she asked me to come get her. My sister and her husband didn't even care, it was like they couldn't wait to get rid of her. Like she was a burden to them." Olivia said.  
"Did she ever tell you what was wrong?" Kendra asked.  
"No." Olivia said.  
"I hope she will just give me a chance." Kendra admitted. She was drawn to Hayleigh. And she was very attracted to Olivia.  
"I raised her until she was ten and then my sister was given custody back. It was the worst day of both of our lives. I tried to get an appeal. I tried to get her back. I don't think she ever forgave me for not getting her back." Olivia said.

Kendra really didn't know what to say to Olivia after that. "I don't think she blames you Olivia. She's angry right now. She doesn't feel worthy." Olivia just nodded and took the last bite of her food. "Well I have to get going, I have to get back to Hayleigh." Kendra grew concerned about Olivia not taking care of herself. "Olivia one more thing, please don't forget to take care of yourself also. If you want I can do a family session." Olivia took her card with her personal number. "I would like that very much." She walked away and over to the elevator.

On the way up all she could think about was how she was right. She still needed to take care of herself but she felt selfish because her niece needed her. She heard the ding on the elevator and it snapped her out of trance. She walked out and over to nurses station. Olivia planned to go home that night. She needed to. Maybe she would take Kendra up on her offer. Give her a call for extra support. Maybe try and get her to come over. She smiled to herself as she worked the plan up in her head.

"How was she?" Olivia asked the nurse.  
"She picked her dinner into small pieces but she drank the supplement." The nurse said.  
"Without arguing?" Olivia asked surprised.  
"She argued at first but then decided she should just drink it or I wouldn't leave her room and she wanted to be alone more than she wanted to drink that." The nurse said.  
"Ok, I'm gonna go see her now." Olivia said. She walked into the room and seen Hayleigh fiddling with her NG tube. "HAYLEIGH!"  
Hayleigh jolted and immediately took her hands away from her NG tube. "Hey...Aunt Liv..." She said innocently.  
"What were you just doing?" Olivia asked, placing her hands on her hips.  
"It was itching! Honest! I wasn't trying to rip it out, I swear! The last time I tried that it hurt." Hayleigh said.  
"Ok. Sweetie, I'm gonna go home tonight, I need to shower and change my clothes and get caught up on the bills." Olivia said.  
Hayleigh's head dropped.

"Hey, I'll be back tomorrow. Want me to bring you anything from the house?" Olivia said.  
"Could you bring me my journal?" Hayleigh asked nervously. Her journal was like her bible. The bible of Hayleigh Rose Benson. It never left her side.  
"Where is it?" Olivia asked.  
"It's in my carry-on bag. Its leather bound, black. You can't miss it." Hayleigh said.

"I will bring it sweetie, maybe some of your favorite books to. I will see if I can get permission and we will watch your favorite movie also on a portable DVD player, how's that sound?" Hayleigh's face lightened up. "I love you Aunt Liv." Liv walked right up to Hayleigh's bedside and gave her a hug and kissed her forehead. "Night Sweetie. Love you." "Night Aunt Liv. Love you to." Liv walked out the door before she broke into tears. She wanted to call Kendra for someone to talk to but she also didn't want to cross boundaries. She hoped this was a good start for them to both heal and grow together.


	7. Facing the Truth

**A/N: This chapter is a moment between Kendra and Olivia. (Vote time tell us what you think, Should we make Olivia and Kendra a couple?) (Fluff is what we love lol)**

Later that night Olivia found herself going through Hayleigh's room. She fell to the floor when she found her cutting supplies. As she dug deeper she found diet pills, diuretics, and laxatives. She was going to throw them away. When it was time for her to come home she wanted to know that Hayleigh was going to be safe. She knew deep down she was doing the right thing. She looked around to see if she had anymore hiding spots. She found cigarettes hid in nook and crannies. She also found her scale. She knew this was going to piss Hayleigh off but it's what needed to be done. She found Hayleigh's carry-on bag and the journal she told her that was in there. Olivia was so tempted to read it. She wanted to know everything that was going on. Her conscious told her no but her heart told her to just to open to the first page. Her heart sunk when she read the first 8 words "My dad raped me for the first time" She immediately shut the journal and broke down into tears. She needed someone to reach out to. She had no idea how to begin to deal with someone who was so close to her being the victim.

Without considering the time of night or thinking the woman might be asleep, Olivia pulls out her phone and dials Kendra's number.  
"Olivia?" Kendra asks sleepily.  
"Hey Kendra, I'm sorry to wake you, I came home for the night and Hayleigh asked me to bring her some things and the next thing I know I'm going through her room and...and can, can you come over?" Olivia rambles.  
"Sure." Kendra says with a yawn. She slips on some yoga pants, a sweater and some UGGS then she scoops up her car keys. She puts Olivia on speaker once she starts the car. "What's your address?"  
Olivia gives Kendra her address and apologizes and cusses herself when she sees what time it is. She starts pacing her floors after she hangs up with Kendra. She sees Hayleigh's journal on the counter next to her back and she's tempted to read some more but she has already violated Hayleigh's trust by reading those first 8 words. They will forever be etched into her brain.

Kendra drove in her car and was worried for the worst. The girl she seen in Ohio just wasn't the same who was laying the hospital bed. Kendra racked in her brain the things Olivia was going to tell her. When she pulled up to her address she turned off her vehicle and got out. She walked up to her door and with no time Olivia answered the door. "Kendra please come in", she managed to choke out as hot tears poured down her face. She could see from the state Olivia was in the worst was about to come out. "Why don't we sit down on the couch and we can talk." Olivia nodded and followed her over to the couch and sat right next to her. "Why don't you tell me what you found and from the looks of Hayleigh's journal in your hand what you read." Olivia lifted up her head. "I...She was raped, by her father, I want to read more, from what I seen in Ohio there is no telling how many times but I'm afraid of crossing her personal boundaries. I found all of this in her room." Kendra looked down and seen the razors, diuretics, laxatives, and diet pills. Her heart instantly broke. She should have seen the signs. It was her job. "Kendra please tell I did the right thing by taking these from her? What else should I do I just want to protect her. I can't stand the thought of losing her."

Kendra pulled Olivia into her arms and hugged her tight. "You did the right thing, if I had known you were taking the night off I probably would have even suggested you go through her room. She is very sick Olivia and she will need both of us. However, I don't know how to feel about what you have read in her journal. I feel devastated to find out this happened to her. But eventually this will have to be discussed. She has buried it long enough."  
Olivia nodded against her. "I know you're right, I just...I do this for a living! Cases with children are always the hardest for me because I always think of Hayleigh. I should have noticed when I went to get her!" She cried.

Kendra spoke up. "Olivia you can't blame yourself. It happened and we know now. What we can do is be there for her even when she pushes us away and shuts us both out. She is in the right place right now, Hayleigh is where she needs to be. I know this is not going to be easy. It will take time for her to talk about this. However it's very detrimental for her recovery that she does. When she comes home keeping an eye on her will be very critical and I promise you I will be here every step of the way. I am not going anywhere."

Olivia couldn't be more thankful for Kendra being in their lives right now. She was a savior sent from above. She just hoped that Kendra made it in time. "Why don't you try to get some rest Liv and I will be out here on the couch and in the morning we will both go see her. How does that sound?"

"Please…." Olivia spoke up as a tear trickled down.

"Of course." Kendra's heart sank as Olivia walked down the hall. They both needed her now more than ever.


	8. Family Therapy

The next morning Olivia woke up hoping Kendra was still there. It was only 6am. She could barely sleep last night as thought's shredded her apart from the inside out. She crept down the hallway and seen Kendra drinking a cup of coffee. "Morning how did you sleep, from the looks of it not very well." Olivia nodded and walked into the kitchen to grab herself a cup. After she made it just the way she like it she made her way out to the couch to sit next to Kendra. "That rough of a night huh?" All Olivia could do was nod. "I just can't get what I read out of my head. It's been permanently imprinted and burned to my brain. I just should have known. All those time's she called me and I knew something was wrong I could hear it in her voice." A hot tear began to fall and streak down her olive complexion skin. "Liv you can't go there. You can't do this to yourself there was no way of knowing. I had seen her for months and I didn't even know. I suspected something serious was going on but I didn't know."

Kendra was trying to comfort her the best she could. There really wasn't much you could say but to reassure her that it wasn't her fault. "Look why don't we get ready and we can both head to the hospital." Olivia nodded and finished off the last of her cup of coffee. She got up from the couch and walked back to the bedroom to get dressed. She was really feeling depressed. She grabbed a pair of jeans and an oversized shit and slipped on a pair of Toms. She walked into her restroom and brushed her teeth and threw her hair up into a messy bun. She gathered her purse and cell and walked out into the living room to find Kendra ready to go. They decided to take separate vehicles so they wouldn't draw attention. When they got to the hospital Olivia and Kendra walked about a foot apart from each other. Deep down Olivia hope this would be the day she could take Hayleigh home. Maybe she could convince Kendra to stay with them but of course in the guest bedroom.

She would pay her extra just so Hayleigh could have the best care that she needs and hopefully one day they could be more. She shook her head though to get them thoughts out. Right now it's about Hayleigh.

Olivia forced a smile onto her face before she walked into Hayleigh's room, "Good morning sweetie!"

"Hi Aunt Liv." Hayleigh said. She pushed food around her plate while she glared at the nurse sitting next to her.

"I'll sit with her now." Olivia said.

"Thank God!" The nurse said. She couldn't get out of the room fast enough.

Hayleigh wasn't their favorite patient in the ward.

"Hayleigh Rose..." Olivia said warningly.

"What?" Hayleigh snapped.

Olivia narrowed her eyes and reached into her bag and handed Hayleigh her journal. She almost wanted to snatch it back and confront her but she remembered what Kendra and she had talked about earlier.

"My journal! Thank you so much for bringing it to me Aunt Liv!" Hayleigh smiled the second she saw it. She was looking at it as if it was her best friend in the world. "Do you have a pen?" She asked flipping the book open and flipping to an empty page.

"Uh, sure..." Olivia said. She reached into her purse and handed Hayleigh a pen

Hayleigh immediately began to write. It flowed from her like never before. Just then they both looked up when there was knock on the door. "Im not eating this shit you and all these fat lazy fucking nurses can go fuck yourselves. I want out of here!" The nurses where starting to become more and more irritated with her. "Fine I will get the doctor and we will hook up your NG feeding tube. Your weight has dropped back down." Hayleigh rolled her eyes. "I don't care anymore I am not yall's prize heffa for the state fair. I'm pretty sure some you fat fucks can take that one." Olivia was becoming more irritated with Hayleigh as the swearing increased from her mouth. She stood up. "That's it young lady, you will stop this. Stop this right now or else you can kiss your social life goodbye for disrespect and swearing." Hayleigh could tell from the tone of her aunt's voice she was serious. When she got out of this hell whole she wanted to drop all the weight she had gained and then some as soon as possible. "Hayleigh come on lets go back to your room and we can talk." Her aunt tried the best she could in the most comforting voice. The doctor at the nurses station watched as Hayleigh walked by and let her know that they nurse would be in immediately to hook of her feeding tube that she desperately needed so her body didn't shut down and she lost her life, but to be honest she didn't care.

When they got to the room Kendra was there waiting for them to start a family session.

Hayleigh placed her hands on her hips. In a very Olivia Benson manner and glared at Kendra. "And what the hello kitty are you doing here?" She snapped. Her eyes were blazing and she was ready for a fight.

"I'm here for a family session with you and your Aunt." Kendra said. She was unfazed by Hayleigh's attitude.

"Ok, sweetie, let me speak retard so you can understand me ok?" Hayleigh started sarcastically. "If I didn't want to speak to you last night or back in Ohio that means I don't want to speak to you EVER!" Hayleigh spoke slowly. She rolled her eyes at the woman and headed towards her bed.

Olivia was fed up. She snatched her up by the back of her shirt. "Apologize right now Hayleigh Rose and drop the attitude." She said sternly.

Hayleigh struggled to get away from Olivia. "Fine! Let me go and I will!"

"Nope, you seem to forget that I'm running the show. Apologize and then I will let you go." Olivia said, clutching the shirt tighter the harder Hayleigh fought to get lose.

"Fine! I'm sorry I don't wanna talk to you ok?!" Hayleigh said.

Olivia let go. Not because Hayleigh's apology was acceptable but because she was really about to lose her patience. "Sit down." She said eerily calm.

Hayleigh sat down immediately.

Before they could get started they all heard a knock on the door it was the nurse to hook up her feeding tube. "I will leave you all to it and Kendra please keep an eye on her, we had an incident last night where she was trying to rip it out."

Olivia and Kendra both looked at her at the same time. Hayleigh knew she was going to be watched now. There was no way she was ever going to be able to take it out until she gets out of this damn hospital eating disorder unit.

Kendra cleared her throat. "Ok, let's get started..."

Hayleigh looked irritated as hell. "How about let's not and say we did. I think for today I will be on mute status." She crossed her arms.

Kendra looked irritated along with Olivia. Kendra just wanted to come out with it already. "Hayleigh why didn't you tell me you were being raped by your father."

Hayleigh's mouth dropped wide open. "Both of you get the fuck out right now!" Hayleigh was getting more ballistic. "Get the hell out, both of you, you had no right!"

"I can't speak for Kendra but I can speak for myself and I'm not going anywhere." Olivia said.

"YOU READ MY JOURNAL AND THEN YOU JUST BROUGHT IT TO ME LIKE NOTHING WAS WRONG! HOW COULD YOU?!" Hayleigh shouted. She started sobbing uncontrollably.

"You weren't talking to me Hayleigh and you used to tell me everything." Olivia said. The second she said it she knew it was lame. There was no excuse for invading Hayleigh's privacy but she did it out of a loving place.

"That is my safe place! The only place I feel safe!" Hayleigh snapped. She wrapped her arms around herself and walked to the other side of the room. Away from Kendra and Olivia.

"Were you going to tell me?" Olivia asks softly.

"Eventually! Yes, I would have told you." Hayleigh said. Her tone was matching Olivia's. If she were completely honest with herself, she would say how relieved she was not to be walking around with that huge secret on her shoulders.

"I don't think you would have told me." Olivia said. She walked over to where Hayleigh was standing, looking out the window. "I think that you would have took it to your grave, even if it killed you."

Hayleigh sighed and continued to look out the window. She leaned over and laid her head on Olivia's shoulder.

Olivia laid her head on top of Hayleigh's and wrapped an arm around her small waist.

Kendra cleared her throat. She decided since Olivia and Hayleigh were talking not to interfere. Now that they were quiet she wanted to dig a little deeper. "Hayleigh, I want to apologize for the way I approached it with you. It was completely unprofessional. We don't have to talk about it anymore today, I can see you're not ready. But I would like to know why you felt like you couldn't tell your Aunt..."

Hayleigh sighed and pulled away from Olivia. She needed a little distance for what she was about to say. "Ever since I can remember, Aunt Liv was the only Mom I ever knew. My childhood was bright and happy, bcause she made sure of it. I knew what she did for a living and I would see her just come home after a hard case and cry sometimes or she would hold me tightly for hours. And when it happened to me, I knew that it would destroy her and I never wanted to be the reason she was hurt or upset. So the second I stopped being scared I called her and asked her to come get me. I figured if I lived with her and she never had to find out about any of this that things would get better. But they didn't. I messed up! I was weak! I am a failure and a disappointment! I should have been stronger!" She was crying and becoming hot from the force of her tears by the time she finished talking.

Olivia had tears of her own falling from her eyes. Her heart was broken, knowing what had been done to Hayleigh and also knowing that the girl felt like she had to protect her.

Hayleigh was so exhausted from her own emotions that she hadn't felt in so long. That she was numbing out every single day. She had got to the point that she prayed that god would just take her from the hell she was living in. To her being dead was better than dealing with what she was going through. It was better than being raped on a daily basis. She tried to fall asleep and held on to her aunt for dear life. In that moment she felt safe. She hoped the nightmares wouldn't come. With that she fell asleep in her aunt's arm praying for a better day to come.


End file.
